Ya know this scene from Forrest Gump? The one where he's been running, just running for years? He has the complete support and encouragement of thousands of people to press on and keep going but one day Forrest decides, "I'm pretty tired. Think I'll go home now." Well lately I feel like Forrest in that scene! My legs actually look like that beard right now. Working from home full time, homeschooling and running everybody where they need to be have taken a toll on me these last few months. For me "I'll go home now" means making time to practice more self-care and unearthing myself! I'm not really big on New Year's resolutions as they're generally just fruitless plans that leave me failing like a failure but I love fresh starts and opportunities to hit the reset button. In 2017, I'm making some deliberate changes to how I do business so that I have time to take better care of me and my family. I haven't exercised in over a year, possibly more- I've lost track) and 25 pounds later my body is feeling it. Heartburn. High blood pressure. I'm too young for all that. I've been struggling with severe adult acne as well. (R&F Unblemish didn't even clear it up ;)) Now 5 days into Christmas vacation with no cookie deadlines and lots of sleep, my face is clear of active breakouts for the first time in a year. It's clear I've gotta give myself a break!
And homeschooling.....I have a pre-teen daughter who loves being home with me. That's worth repeating: I have a pre-teen daughter who loves being home with me! Ruby will likely return to school next fall and these times are fleeting. I feel in the depths of my soul that making the most of our last months together is of utmost importance! I want to be more engaged with Ruby instead of her working in one room while I'm working in the kitchen. I want more impromptu lunch and shopping dates and cuddling on the couch binge-watching Gilmore Girls with her. When I leave this world, the most important people in my life won't care about how many Instagram followers I have, but they will remember the quality of the time that we had together. They'll remember that I said "Yes, let's go to lunch! Yes, I'll give you a massage before bed! Yes, I'll play UNO with you! Yes, I'm free this weekend for a date night!" And if I don't take better care of me I'll be leaving this world sooner rather than later!
In 2017 or until further notice, I will not be taking ANY custom cookie orders. I thought and prayed on how I could still do SOME orders but there just isn't a clear place to draw a line in the sand. With our numerous church and school and theatre communities, even if I only baked for existing customers or "close" friends (and how in the world do I decide where to draw THAT line because ALL of you are close friends!) that would leave me busier than I need to be at this point. I will continue to have pop-up shops for big events and holidays and will teach some classes. I will bake from time to time as I FEEL like it and will have cookies available for quick sale. Thank you all for your loyalty and ongoing encouragement. You don't know how much it thrills my soul! I got a little misty when I walked in to Pout last week and found a line of people wrapped through the store waiting for me to arrive. You truly are the best!
As we approach 2017, I encourage you all to evaluate how you spend your time and to give yourself permission to cut what must be cut! Say NO to some things in 2017 so that you can give your best YES to those that matter most, including yourself! Now excuse me while I go shave my legs and get to the gym.
Well folks, there she is. In all her glory. My kitchen. As a home baker, I'd thought about posting a photo of myself, perfectly coiffed and styled of course, in my glistening kitchen just so the world could view the perfect and ideal environment from henceforth the equally "perfect" cookies are birthed............excuse me for a moment......just trying to contain my laughter........But then it occurred to me how much work that would take. Ya know, to make myself appear to be something that I'm not (striking a chord with anyone yet?) This is how my kitchen typically looks on any given day. When I'm ready to get in cookie zone it takes me a solid thirty minutes of straightening and cleaning just to have the space to get to work. We live here. We live here hard. And making yall think I've got it all together isn't doing anybody any favors. That's a lot of pressure and heaven knows the last thing I need is more stuff to keep up with. And, most importantly, nobody likes a Perfect Peggy! I have unfollowed people on social media on numerous occasions just for appearing to be perfect. I don't need those people in my life. And I'm pretty sure they're unicorns anyway. As my dear friend, Lynn, once said as I was telling her about one said perfect person, "Oh honey, you know she's got three Consuelas up in there." For every photo you see online of a friend who is still in her high school size 2, there's a kid who had a Happy Meal for dinner 4 nights this week because mom is too busy at the gym to cook. Atleast, that's what I like to tell myself. Ain't nobody doing it all. Oh how silly I now feel when I look back at certain times in my life when I was stressing myself out to keep up with an image that nobody even cared about to begin with.
The topic of "authentic living" is now one of my faves. Be you. Let it all hang out. People will like you better anyway and it's way easier. If you've ever read anything by Brene Brown you know what I'm talking about. When I embraced the authentic living lifestyle a weight was lifted. I'm ashamed to think that I may have painted a picture that I was perfect. I wouldn't wish that yuck feeling of "less than" on anybody. I sometimes get asked "Stephanie, how do you do it all?!".......I'm sorry. Do what? How do I stay so slim and fit? Or how do I stay so fashion fleek at every given moment? [insert laughing with tears emoji]. Life is hard enough as it is just to get the kids fed and schooled and to their basquillion activites. Let it go and feel the peaceful wave of laundry-needing-to-be-folded wash over you. When someone drops by your house unexpectedly and it's a hot mess, don't apologize. Just let them think it's always like that. ;) They'll love you for it. And for the record, I have TWO Consuelas, not three.
So if you're here and you just read the "About Me" section in my profile you're thinking "Trauma? What trauma?" (nosey!;) One day the time will come for me to share that story in it's entirety but, fortunately for me, this story isn't mine alone. I share it with three other souls that I walk through this life with each day and I must factor them into the equation. But, I will say this: My journey includes an angel baby in heaven, two separations, and a very trying chronic illness for my son. I was left feeling a bit like Humpty Dumpty, literally and figuratively. Somehow through the smiles and laughter of my two children (every. single. day. for an entire school year [insert cheesy grin]), the blank canvas of a cookie and a bag of icing, and not to mention the Lord's great mercy and favor, the sun began to shine. I'm finding a new me and a strength that I didn't know existed. I am more than a broken shell of a wife and mother. I can do anything, with Jesus by my side of course. Laudy help those without Jesus because...... just nope. I've said that for years. How in the world to people survive the &*%$ that life deals ya without something bigger and greater than yourself to put your trust and hope in? Well, they turn to alcohol, drugs, the run of the mill addictions........Ben & Jerry (Hey, you know them too?!). I guess I should be grateful that I picked up a pint of Ben & Jerry's Boom Chocolatta Core, affectionately referred to by me as simply "Boom," (Yes, I know its not gluten free. Shut up.) instead of a pint of vodka, but now fifteen extra pounds later and only 3 outfits in my wardrobe that actually fit, well, vodka has fewer calories.
But seriously, through therapy and my new familiarity of addiction I've self-diagnosed myself with a food addiction. Hopefully with the support of others going through the same things we can all slip right back into our skinny jeans together. In this eat-healthy-exercise-more all up in yo face society there's a whole lot of "eat this not that" and very little "Why do you keep eating that?" What is it in you that causes you to continue to make self-defeating poor decisions? I'm hoping that just publicly starting a conversation about it will motivate me. Now I wouldn't dare be seen at Kroger with Boom in my cart! My secret is out. Boom isn't just a little monthly treat. He's a friend that visits way too often. A friend that weighs 15 pounds that now lives on my thighs, hips, and caboose and he really needs to get lost.
I'm finding a new me in so many ways and I am so grateful. Removing this layer of extra weight that I've been hiding under is the final step. I'm a big believer in transparency and I'm excited to share this journey with you! Please share with me your trials and weaknesses and how you have OVERCOME or are currently overcoming. How have you rolled with the punches? I don't mean, your exercise routine or Plexus but where are you finding your strength on a daily basis? What motivates you to be a better you?........And if you're wondering about all those cookies, no, those really don't tempt me. I'm around cookies SO much that they lost their allure long ago. Maybe I should've taken up ice cream making.
