Well folks, there she is. In all her glory. My kitchen. As a home baker, I'd thought about posting a photo of myself, perfectly coiffed and styled of course, in my glistening kitchen just so the world could view the perfect and ideal environment from henceforth the equally "perfect" cookies are birthed............excuse me for a moment......just trying to contain my laughter........But then it occurred to me how much work that would take. Ya know, to make myself appear to be something that I'm not (striking a chord with anyone yet?) This is how my kitchen typically looks on any given day. When I'm ready to get in cookie zone it takes me a solid thirty minutes of straightening and cleaning just to have the space to get to work. We live here. We live here hard. And making yall think I've got it all together isn't doing anybody any favors. That's a lot of pressure and heaven knows the last thing I need is more stuff to keep up with. And, most importantly, nobody likes a Perfect Peggy! I have unfollowed people on social media on numerous occasions just for appearing to be perfect. I don't need those people in my life. And I'm pretty sure they're unicorns anyway. As my dear friend, Lynn, once said as I was telling her about one said perfect person, "Oh honey, you know she's got three Consuelas up in there." For every photo you see online of a friend who is still in her high school size 2, there's a kid who had a Happy Meal for dinner 4 nights this week because mom is too busy at the gym to cook. Atleast, that's what I like to tell myself. Ain't nobody doing it all. Oh how silly I now feel when I look back at certain times in my life when I was stressing myself out to keep up with an image that nobody even cared about to begin with.
The topic of "authentic living" is now one of my faves. Be you. Let it all hang out. People will like you better anyway and it's way easier. If you've ever read anything by Brene Brown you know what I'm talking about. When I embraced the authentic living lifestyle a weight was lifted. I'm ashamed to think that I may have painted a picture that I was perfect. I wouldn't wish that yuck feeling of "less than" on anybody. I sometimes get asked "Stephanie, how do you do it all?!".......I'm sorry. Do what? How do I stay so slim and fit? Or how do I stay so fashion fleek at every given moment? [insert laughing with tears emoji]. Life is hard enough as it is just to get the kids fed and schooled and to their basquillion activites. Let it go and feel the peaceful wave of laundry-needing-to-be-folded wash over you. When someone drops by your house unexpectedly and it's a hot mess, don't apologize. Just let them think it's always like that. ;) They'll love you for it. And for the record, I have TWO Consuelas, not three.
So if you're here and you just read the "About Me" section in my profile you're thinking "Trauma? What trauma?" (nosey!;) One day the time will come for me to share that story in it's entirety but, fortunately for me, this story isn't mine alone. I share it with three other souls that I walk through this life with each day and I must factor them into the equation. But, I will say this: My journey includes an angel baby in heaven, two separations, and a very trying chronic illness for my son. I was left feeling a bit like Humpty Dumpty, literally and figuratively. Somehow through the smiles and laughter of my two children (every. single. day. for an entire school year [insert cheesy grin]), the blank canvas of a cookie and a bag of icing, and not to mention the Lord's great mercy and favor, the sun began to shine. I'm finding a new me and a strength that I didn't know existed. I am more than a broken shell of a wife and mother. I can do anything, with Jesus by my side of course. Laudy help those without Jesus because...... just nope. I've said that for years. How in the world to people survive the &*%$ that life deals ya without something bigger and greater than yourself to put your trust and hope in? Well, they turn to alcohol, drugs, the run of the mill addictions........Ben & Jerry (Hey, you know them too?!). I guess I should be grateful that I picked up a pint of Ben & Jerry's Boom Chocolatta Core, affectionately referred to by me as simply "Boom," (Yes, I know its not gluten free. Shut up.) instead of a pint of vodka, but now fifteen extra pounds later and only 3 outfits in my wardrobe that actually fit, well, vodka has fewer calories.
But seriously, through therapy and my new familiarity of addiction I've self-diagnosed myself with a food addiction. Hopefully with the support of others going through the same things we can all slip right back into our skinny jeans together. In this eat-healthy-exercise-more all up in yo face society there's a whole lot of "eat this not that" and very little "Why do you keep eating that?" What is it in you that causes you to continue to make self-defeating poor decisions? I'm hoping that just publicly starting a conversation about it will motivate me. Now I wouldn't dare be seen at Kroger with Boom in my cart! My secret is out. Boom isn't just a little monthly treat. He's a friend that visits way too often. A friend that weighs 15 pounds that now lives on my thighs, hips, and caboose and he really needs to get lost.
I'm finding a new me in so many ways and I am so grateful. Removing this layer of extra weight that I've been hiding under is the final step. I'm a big believer in transparency and I'm excited to share this journey with you! Please share with me your trials and weaknesses and how you have OVERCOME or are currently overcoming. How have you rolled with the punches? I don't mean, your exercise routine or Plexus but where are you finding your strength on a daily basis? What motivates you to be a better you?........And if you're wondering about all those cookies, no, those really don't tempt me. I'm around cookies SO much that they lost their allure long ago. Maybe I should've taken up ice cream making.
